Crowd Patrol

Understanding the bible is similar to understanding Chinese product instructions.

For example, the bible says, “And thou shalt have a paddle upon thy weapon; and it shall be, when thou wilt ease thyself abroad, thou shalt dig therewith, and shalt turn back and cover that which cometh from thee… – Deuteronomy 23:13. Huh??

Here is a section of a Chinese refrigerator caution pamphlet:

Not using a refrigerator as a punching bag or a closet makes more sense than the bible verse.

“You go, girl.” Only use it if you really want a girl to leave.

Hvar er sjúkrahús? Use only when you are injured in Iceland from having drunk too much vodka and you are seeking a hospital.

“Think you.”  Try to pronounce the word, “thank,” correctly. It really doesn’t take that much more mouth exercise.

“I can’t bulieve you sud that.” See above.

“Jeet?” Asking someone if they have eaten. Very efficient use of words.

Ellen Oy (Illinois) If you are a newscaster on WCIA, Champaign.

I admire the idea of bicycle riding for exercise and to help make a greener world. But I don’t like the bicycling militants who demand the same rights and use of the streets as automobile drivers, yet never stop for a stop sign.

I’ve never been waterboarded, but I’ve read enough to know that if I was waterboarded I think I’d just go with it since I know I really won’t die from it.

…and Africa is a country.